Watching politicians is like standing ringside at a county fair mud wrestling pit. Yet I’m sad broadcasts of our State Legislature are over for the year. Check out the drama of a final week’s session.
Monday morning a legislator introduced a new law. “Colleagues, we have a problem. Underage drinking has reached epidemic levels. Our judges are too lenient. We must take action!”
As I listened his business suit morphed into a black frock coat. A sheriff standing on a wooden board walk thumbs hooked in his gun belt addressing the villagers.
His argument was that the present ‘Minors in Possession’ law was too weak. Harsher punishments would get kids attention and stop underage drinking.
The ‘Guns, God and Gotcha’ caucus were prepared. Statistical Studies whizzed around the Chamber like bullets at Tombstone’s OK Corral.
Other legislators passionately disagreed. You can’t expect working parents to drive a hundred miles one way to a Diversion Program. Judges know the kids – who is bad and who just went to the wrong party. Where’d you get statistics that nine year olds start binge drinking? What does it cost to incarcerate a juvenile?
An exquisitely polite but furious debate on this draconian law raged for three whole days. Finally, the Speaker sent the bill back to Committee for ‘some work’.
Thursday morning, a “Save Our Cities” legislator proposed a new law for Interstate signs. She pointed out that her city of 429 has a new winery a couple of miles north. If the state changes the signage law and pays for Interstate signs directing people to the winery, maybe tourists would boost her dying Main Street.
Again as this legislator pitched her new law, I saw in my mind’s eye Doris Day come bouncing on TV with her perky “See the USA in your Chevrolet!”
A rush to the microphones swelled the chorus. Wine tours. Nationally advertised wine festivals. Rerouting roads to bring tourists through Main Street. One old grouch pointed out that if binge drinking was 4 drinks in 24 hours this would create a bunch of drunk drivers! It passed 48 to 1.
Friday morning, a long serving legislator introduced a law to dissolve township governments. “We don’t have enough people to sit on Township Boards. Counties need their assets and taxing authority to maintain roads.” One legislator spoke in support, “It’s about time our prized ‘Local Control’ stopped using OP funding.” (OP = other peoples taxes) The law reluctantly passed 25 to 0.
Our State Lawmakers fear the 2010 Census. We are one of the smallest states. The 90 rural counties lose population. The 3 metro counties gain population. We don’t grow.
In our travel years, we’d honor Classical Musicians or historic Theologians by exploring the cities and culture that produced them.
Our Lawmakers are similar Time Travelers. Some honor an 1870’s Homestead Frontier. Some honor a 1920’s Small Town Prosperity. A few confront a 21st Century reality.
I wonder. If one eye is cocked on a glorious past and one eye is cocked toward a gritty future, does that make you a cockeyed optimist or just cross-eyed?
